New Year's Resolutions

Last year, all my resolutions were F'ed thanks to being injured. So we won't even revisit those since it makes me depressed.


This year I have only one, and I'm keeping it simple: Become a Gladiator on American Gladiators.


This may be my favorite show next to Burn Notice. It looks like the Most. Fun. Ever. It might even overtake Funded Mad Scientist as my dream job. To be clear, I don't want to be a contender, I want to be one of the Gladiators that tries to maim the contenders.



Top Ten Reasons Why American Gladiator is totally attainable:
10. I'm named after an action figure.
9. A silver lame 1980's asymmetrical cutout swimsuit is still more flattering than a crew unitard.
8. Swimming under 30 feet of fire is nothing compared to swimming through schools of stinging nettles (thanks TriAmerica).
7. I have a vacation home in Z5.
6. Flying down a zipwire onto a mattress is easy compared to getting off a ski lift with a snowboard and hitting East Coast ice.
5. Gauntlet, still easier than a triathlon swim.
4. Running uphill on the downhill treadmill easier than biking at Prince William Park.
3. New shoulder built by Cyberdyne Systems.
2. King of the Mountain challenge easier than negotiating DC government contracting.
1. One word: JOUST.


I'm sure there are things that would suck, that time of the month, helmet hair, letting some buffy win for ratings, but every job has it's drawbacks.