If I had a dollar for every time I heard that.
Friday I had my second swim lesson, where I learned that having boobs does not in fact help you breast stroke. Kind of gets in the way, actually. I also learned that breaststroke seems to make my goggles leak more than freestyle, and I almost lost my right contact once.
I struggled with said contact all weekend. Sunday I got annoyed and threw it away, the left one got to stay in.
Monday, I put a new contact in, but something wasn’t quite right. Left side, fine. Right side, kind of fuzzy. Double checked the prescription, it was the same as the other one. I managed to drive to work. Threw it away in case it was just a weird one. New contact not better. Tried it in other eye, right eye still weird. I lived with the funky vision for about an hour before I gave in and called the eye doctor. Dealing with it gave me the worst headache all day.
Woke up today and my vision was fine, but I was overdue for my eye appointment anyways. Somehow I remembered not to put on mascara. Mentioned to technician that I’m swimming. I was chastised for not bringing glasses, and then again for not owning glasses. My job has vision benefits but good luck trying to get a claim filled.
A few drops in the eyes to make me look like a blinky Anime character and then back to the waiting room. Meanwhile, inexplicably, the fire alarm went off. The fire department showed up with two trucks and everything. According to the old ladies in the waiting room, the firemen (they were all men) were hot. I can’t vouch for this since my pupils were the size of dinner plates, but I have it on good authority.
Then I got to see the doctor where I was told that wearing my contact overnight was bad, and I needed to get glasses and clean my contacts overnight. Then he recommended that I not wear my contacts while swimming and that contacts are like sponges that soak up all the nastiness and hold it next to your eye. He gave me a prescription which I was supposed to use to get prescription goggles, which I planned on getting filled the 10th of Never. I must have had the "I’m totally feeding these lima beans to the dog the second your back is turned" look, because then I got a prescription for daily disposable contacts to wear while swimming. He also said something about increasing my chances of getting a corneal infection by like 20 times, but by that point I was thinking about cupcakes.